Greyhound

How do you talk to God when you know death lingers?

Everybody says pray. Put it in God's hands. But what if you pray and you know that eventually, sooner more so than later that the end is coming. What prepares a person for death? Death of anything. Death of a loved one. Death of a pet. Death of a dream. Each death is vital to whoever is experiencing it. Everybody deals with it in a different way. But im at a lost.

I've never experienced the lost of a loved one. Not someone i consider to be close to me anyway but as of late i feel that i need to be preparing for it. It hurts when you see someone you love, a person who you have seen as the epitome of strength for your family have to learn to live again. Just the basic functions of living; swallowing, chewing and even recognizing your family members. Silently i cry. Silently i want to scream. Run away from the person who is laying in that hospital bed because to me she is a stranger. I dont know her and for awhile she didnt know me.

Reality set in. Her body is weakening. It pains me to watch as her sanity is put in jeporady because thats just what happens when you've survived a stroke. brain damage-some brain damage thats what they said. two words- that's what makes her vaguely remember her children, her grandchildren-her family. In and out-In and out her memory comes and goes. A lonely death not because we arent there but simply because she cant remember. that is my greatest fear. that she will forget-that she won't remember how much love exist in our family because of her.

I fell like i need a ticket to heaven or that realm in between.


Later Days....